I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
