I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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