I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this will be a night to untag.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
