if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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