OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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