You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize