dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
