it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
