Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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