in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
