Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
