sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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