I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
