i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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