dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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