Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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