my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
