ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
