Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
