the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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