I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
