Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
