Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
