Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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