so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
