so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
