Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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