It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
