Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize