ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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