Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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