How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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