Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
