no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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