We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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