It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
