I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
