New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
