I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
