I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize