Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
