we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
