I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
