i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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