She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize