Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
