Four minutes until I can fart!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize