If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
