We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
