Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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