My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
