hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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