Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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