Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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