Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
